Wedding Weight

Another goal met today!!! I set my last goal at 185, the weight I was on my wedding day, and I reached that weight today! I actually reached 184, which means I've lost a total of 40 lbs. Yeeeeah! That's a huge milestone. This last goal took me a little longer than I had hoped... I hit a few plateaus but I kept trucking and got there. I also bought a new fancy scale, which unfortunately revealed to me that my old, cheap scale was running 3 lbs low. My starting weight, which I had thought was 221, was actually 224 lbs, and my old scale had me believing I was only a few pounds from this goal of 185, only to then realize I had to add 3 lbs to my goal. I was annoyed, to say the least. But I was a good girl and decided to accept the extra poundage as reality instead of wishing it away. :) It does explain why my weight at the doctor's office always ran higher than my home scale during my pregnancy. Gee, I was just hoping it was their scale that had the problem. Haha.

This is a really important point in the process for me. Starting at 224, with the goal of reaching a healthy BMI weight of 144, gives me exactly 80 lbs to lose (now that I've added those 3 extra pounds. Grrr.). Hitting 40 lbs today has finally secured me at halfway there, instead of just saying "I'm almost halfway there!" as I have been for the last month. It's real now, and it means that every pound from now on is downhill. But the process feels more uphill than ever, because I've been doing this for a little over 15 weeks and I'm beginning to really miss the choice of eating what I want. I've also been learning a lot more about healthy habits and choices, seeing food as fuel and energy for your body, having "treats" as actual TREATS and not just frequent indulgences... stuff I knew but never really took the time to fully comprehend and consistently apply to my daily life. I'm pretty pumped about it. I want to prove to myself now that I can maintain my weight loss, that this program really made a life change for me, and that it's not just some phase I'm going through. I guess there's a part of me that thinks I'm going to lose the weight, look at a french fry and suddenly gain it back. I need to know that I can make this last, make it work, that I'm not destined to be a fat person forever. And I need to know that I can eat a few Oreos in the process. :)

Also, though I'm only halfway to my goal, this is close to the lowest weight I've ever been as an adult. I reached 180 for about two weeks before my wedding, but by the day of the wedding, 5 pounds had returned because I'd started taking those lovely hormone pills a month prior so they could get into my system. (And, boy, did they ever get into my system! Ugh.) So, really, aside from the couple weeks I gleefully spent at 180, right now I'm once again at my lowest weight. It's something I've kind of always considered my ideal goal, because I've never really thought I could get any lower. So it's tempting to call it good at this point, to say my body has reached its comfort zone, even though I truly do want to keep going and reach my goal. It's just that I'm worried (irrationally so) that I'm just never going to pass this point. It didn't help that I've been hitting plateuas lately, and taking longer than I thought to get to this goal. That really played into my fear that my body is just going to refuse to go any lower, that I'm destined to be 180 forever.

Of course, instead of embracing this fear, I'm going to face it, deal with it, psyche myself up and blow 180 out of the water. :) I'm pretty thrilled about the thought of being in the 170s, and can barely comprehend the idea of 160. I have always had a picture in my mind of my body looking like it is now, and that's been my goal, because it's the best I've ever known of my body to be capable of looking. I'm giddy about reaching lower weights, about seeing what my body is capable of, and how different it can look. I don't have a framework for it. It's almost like wondering what my baby was going to look like as I was waiting for her birth. Of course, she was much more exciting than weight loss, but the concept is similar. It kind of IS like a rebirth. I'm realizing that I have never really been able to view myself in a healthy body. I've always-ALWAYS- said, "I'll always be overweight but I'd like to at least lose SOME weight." And why? Why have I never been able to believe that I could be a healthy weight? I'm ready to ditch that fear and prove that I can do this.

Ok, this has been the most distracted blog I've ever written, as I've had to stop writing at least a half dozen times to change a diaper, get a snack for Ella, clean up the snack, rescue Stephen's camera, put on cartoons, turn off cartoons and about a million other toddler related things. I don't even know if it made sense, or if I made the points I was hoping to make. At any rate, I'm going to post it because I'm happy about reaching this most recent goal of 185, and of reaching the halfway mark of 184. It's all downhill from here, baby. And while I'm talking about goals, I'm setting my new goal at 175. I know that's only 9 lbs away but at this point all new ranges (the 170s, 160s, 150s, etc) are exciting and uncharted territory. Plus, after taking longer than expected to reach my last goal, it'll be nice to have one that I feel I can reach in a fair amount of time. Onward and upward (or downward, in my case)!

"Pita" Chips

In keeping with my promise to post Medifast recipes on here, I've got a yummy one to share tonight. The basic recipe is not my own, though the seasonings I've added in were a personal choice. This recipe will work with any of the cream soups, and the seasoning options are limitless! I've tried a lot of seasonings thus far but really love the simplicity of the smoky cumin and pepper combo. I love making these when I'm in the mood for something crunchy, and they are great with 1 Tbsp of salsa (which is a Medifast approved condiment). Yummmmm.

"Pita" Chips

1 MF Cream of Broccoli Soup

3 Tbsp water

1/4 tsp cumin

1/8 tsp black pepper

coarse salt (to taste)

cooking spray

Combine the soup, cumin and pepper; mix together. Add water and mix to make a thick paste. Lightly spray a glass pie pan with cooking spray, and evenly spread the thick batter into the pan. Sprinkle with coarse salt. Microwave for 2 minutes. Batter should harden and look like a crisp pancake. Flip the batter over, then microwave 1 additional minute. Break into pieces and enjoy munching on your chips!

To all you naysayers who are wrinkling your noses at the thought of broccoli soup making chips, I have to say... I was dubious at first but quickly won over by the crunch factor and the very slight broccoli flavor. These chips are awesome and the seasonings you add will contribute a lot of flavor. They are so quick and easy that they've become a real favorite for me, and I love that I can stick them in a ziplock and take them on the go. If you've got a healthy fat to use for the day (meaning you had a meat from the leaner or leanest category), try making a quick dip from 1 Tbsp cream cheese and your favorite herb. I made these the other day and used them to scoop up some cream cheese mixed with chives... OHHH, MAN. Hit. the. spot. Give 'em a try!

I am a terrible blogger

Holy cow, I have not blogged since March 5th! Where did this month go?! Obviously no one has been waiting with bated breath, and yet I still feel guilty for not being more actively involved in journaling this process. It's been one crazy month, let me tell ya! Well, it's been 3 weeks, but still... they've been busy ones.

One thing that happened this month was the celebration of my 5th wedding anniversary to my wonderful husband Stephen. We spent three nights at the coast and had a total blast. This was also an important part of my Medifast journey because it marked the first vacation I've taken while on the program, and guess what? I survived!!! I modified the program a bit to fit with our vacation plans... we ate out twice a day, so I was eating more lean and green than normal, but I ate fewer Medifast meals than normal to compensate. I also splurged on splitting a dessert with Stephen for our anniversary dinner, but I made that choice consciously, and not impulsively. I felt good about my decision.

Best part of it? After three days away from home and with a modified eating plan, I still lost 3 pounds that week! I seem to be holding steady at 3 lbs per week, and the fact that I was able to maintain this pattern while modifying the program was astounding to me. I am NOT saying it is ok to modify the program all the time... if you did it all the time you probably would not lose weight as quickly. But what I AM saying is, life happens, and we're supposed to live it well. For me, at that moment, living it well meant enjoying my time with my husband. And rather than being bitter because I "couldn't" have a dessert, I chose to enjoy a dessert... reasonably. I didn't blow my program for the three days and I didn't grab for sugar every chance I got. I made choices that were smart, and still allowed me to enjoy myself. And because my metabolism has been fine-tuned and my body is a calorie-burning machine right now, that dessert didn't stand a chance at sticking to my thighs.

My health coach shared an analogy with me that Dr. Anderson (founder of Take Shape for Life, the program I am doing) says in his book "Dr. A's Habits of Health". He shared that before our bodies are working properly, eating a cookie is like throwing it into a swampy, stagnant, polluted stream. The cookie kind of slowly sludges along among debris and muck. Now, picture throwing that same cookie into Niagara Falls. It totally gets devoured, pummeled by the crashing water. THAT is what our bodies do once they are working like they are supposed to, and THAT is why I was able to modify my program to fit my vacation plans and still lose my 3 lbs for the week.

Speaking of weekly weight loss, I am now 7.5 weeks into the program and TODAY I reached my first weight loss goal of 22 lbs!!! That is 10% of my body weight. Also, that puts me at 199 lbs- or as some weight loss junkies like to call it, "one-derland". :) I cannot tell you how fantastic it feels to be under that 200 mark. I've known I was overweight long before I hit 200, but boy it becomes a glaringly obvious issue when you're looking down at the scale and seeing 200 or more. (Particularly when you are not very tall- I'm 5'4" so I've got no excuse.) It was a shocking and depressing moment the first time I saw the big 2-0-0, and much much worse at my heaviest weight of 250. But I started this program at 221, and I cannot believe it took only 7.5 weeks to reach 199. Certainly, being one pound under does not make me slender by any stretch, but I tell ya what... it sure feels better anyway!

I'm gonna keep on trucking, and I've got a new weight goal in mind now. I'm setting my goals in increments, because it is fun to stay motivated and see myself reach many small goals instead of feeling like it's taking forever to reach the big goal. My next goal is 185. That is the weight I was on my wedding day. Based on my 3 lbs a week pattern, it looks like I'm only 4.5 weeks away!!! That is a crazy thought. I'm pretty excited to dig the clothes out of my "save these clothes til I lose weight and they fit again" box. I'm already fitting into some stuff, and the rest is soon to come. The cool part is, once I hit this goal of 185, I will start to tread into unfamiliar territory. I can't remember weighing any less than 180 (and it was only for a brief period of time) in the last 10+ years. I gained a lot of weight my pre-teen years and have never been a healthy weight as an adult. Anything under 180 has literally not been on my scale since I was old enough to care about my weight and start actually weighing myself occasionally. To think that I may be 6 weeks or so from seeing 170s on my scale is, uh, kind of a big deal to me. (HUGE! MONUMENTAL! GIGUNDOR! Get the idea?!)

I'm ready to sort through my clothes now and get rid of a big pile of "too big" stuff. Because, unlike my "save these clothes til I lose weight and they fit again" box, I am NEVER going to be this weight again so I will NEVER need these big clothes again. Out the door they go, and any doubt or fear can go with them. I'm really doing this and it's really working and I am not going to quit!

I Scream, You Scream..

Here's the recipe for Medifast Ice Cream! If you haven't tried this yet, you should try it immediately. It really hits the spot and takes care of my late night cravings for old habits. I did not create this recipe, and I can't really track down who did, because it's all over the internet. I just want to be up front in saying that it's not my brain child, though I'm definitely enjoying it.

ICE CREAM (aka Soft Serve)

1 packet MF pudding (vanilla or chocolate)

1/2 cup water

1 cup ice

2 Tbsp SF syrup (I really like DaVinci's Peanut Butter flavor)

1 Tbsp cream cheese (which counts as a healthy fat, so make sure you can have one before making this recipe)

Place ingredients in a blender (something like a Magic Bullet works best) and blend until smooth and creamy. Add more ice to thicken it, if you'd like. Grab a spoon and enjoy!

I love this recipe because it really makes a decent amount of soft serve. It's not playing around. I can sit there with a spoon and enjoy a big bowl of the stuff, and it tastes fantastic. Even my husband likes it, which is saying a lot. It's been especially nice lately, since I've been stuck at home with a killer virus for the past 5 days. Feels so good on my throat, which kind of feels like it has daggers in it every time I swallow. OH, THE JOYS.

The good news? Down 13 lbs now, in 4.5 weeks. Yeeeeeah!!!

TEN POUNDS!

Well, I am so happy to share that I have officially dropped the first ten pounds, and it's only been 3.5 weeks! I can't believe it! My first goal already seems so attainable. I set a realistic goal when I started this program, because frankly I wasn't sure how successful I was going to be. I heard stories of it working well for other people, but I was skeptical anyway. So, my first goal was very realistic. I guess I will just share my weight, which is not something I thought I would be comfortable doing, but I guess I'd rather just address the elephant in the room instead of tiptoeing around it. (I'm sure there's a good fat joke involved with the phrase "elephant in the room" but I'm just not gonna go there right now. I have more class than that. And besides, I can't think of anything.)

Ok... deep breath... so here goes. I started the program at 221 pounds, which was nearly four weeks ago. I hit 211 two days ago, which is almost halfway to my initial goal. I chose to set my goal at 199 pounds for two reasons: one, obviously I wanted to revel in the fact that I was once again under 200 pounds, and two, I wanted to lose 10% of my body weight because of how dramatically it lowers my risk of disease (by 50%!!!) and increases my life expectancy (by 10 years!!!). It was just kind of convenient that 22 lbs was both 10% of my body weight AND exactly what I needed to lose to get under 200 lbs.

I am actually now down 39 lbs from my heaviest weight. When I gained 60 lbs back in 2005 (while on birth control, aka satan pills) it put me up to 250. :( It's horrible to think about, because I honestly had no idea I was gaining so much and I cannot imagine my body ever having 39 more pounds on it than right now. But it did. Blah. The good news is, wow, 39 lbs GONE! And they are really gone. I am not going back there EVER. It took me several diet attempts over 4 years to lose that first 29 lbs. Of course, I've got some grace for myself because I had a baby and that does things to your body. But I am still in shock that it's only taken me 3.5 weeks to lose 10 lbs. I just can't believe it. At this rate I will reach my goal by Easter.

But once I reach my goal I am just going to set another one. I mean, why would I stop when I feel like I've been given the secret to weight loss? Really and truly, it's that easy. It's like someone is sitting in front of me, telling me, "Here, eat this" every 3 hours, and magically I eat it and lose weight. And it's not unhealthy weight loss either! I wouldn't do a program that made my heart race because of stimulants, or was full of aspartame or preservatives or other nasty chemicals. This stuff is really good. There is no magic ingredient that makes your body lose weight. It is just the right amount of carbs, proteins, sugars, vitamins and minerals eaten at the right times of the day to make your body work like it's supposed to and stop clinging to your fat as though you're storing up for winter.

I swear, the more I write the more I sound like an infomercial. I'm just so flipping excited to have found something that is WORKING. I have done low cal, low carb, high produce diets... I have tried so many different food combos. I have burned myself out trying to lose weight and it's just silly and stupid. I am so happy that I am doing something for my body that is real and is going to last. I'm even thinking about becoming a health coach myself because I can't stop talking about how great this program is and I want to help people be as happy as I am. I know what it feels like to be disgusted when you look in the mirror, or to cry in a dressing room because nothing fits, or to eat til you feel sick because you just have given up and feel like there's no hope anyway. I don't ever want to go back there, and I don't want other people to go there either. I want to help people realize that there is hope. You CAN change.

I think one of the reasons that my initial weight loss goal was so low is because four weeks ago I genuinely believed that I was incapable of ever being a small person. I have said "Well, I will probably always be overweight..." more times than I can count and I always figured "If I could only get back to the size I was 5 years ago" then I would be content. But for the first time, quite seriously, in my entire life I feel like I can really do this. I WILL reach my initial goal of 199 pounds. And guess what? Then I will set a goal of 175 pounds. I have NEVER thought I could get that low, and I want to prove to myself that I can do what I thought was impossible. And when I reach 175 pounds, guess what? I WILL set a goal of 145 pounds. 145 would put me in a healthy BMI range for my height. I have never thought that I could reach a healthy BMI weight. Not once in my entire life have I believed that I could reach a healthy weight. I've always set my goals low enough so I could actually reach them. But not anymore. I'm not content with "good enough". I'm gonna do this and now I know how. And it feels FANTASTIC.

Dinner Party

Last night was a night of firsts for me. First time hosting a dinner party with completely healthy menu items (and still managing to wow the crowd) and first time for my friend and health coach to give a presentation on what she does and how Take Shape For Life works. She and I spent the afternoon cooking up a storm and, with the help of our husbands, managed to throw a pretty swinging shindig (or whatever the cool kids are calling it these days).

I even splurged on fresh flowers for the living room, and my house has never looked better. I love that feeling of looking around the living room and going, "Oh, wow. So THIS is what my house could look like ALL the time if I could actually keep up on the cleaning!". Mad props to my husband for doing the housework, since this working mama spent the afternoon at her oh-so-glamorous retail job.

The focus of the dinner party was for Angie and I to introduce some menu items we've been working on for our newest endeavor: a personal chef business catered specifically to people on the Take Shape For Life program. We wanted to try out some new recipes on a test crowd and see what the response was like. We had a dozen people come (friends and family of mine) and the response was overwhelmingly positive. Our entreés were as follows: Beef Tenderloin with Balsamic Tomatoes and Thyme, Fiesta Lime Shrimp and Veggie Kabobs, and a Chicken Caesar Salad served with Tomato Basil Bread. (The bread, by the way, is made with Medifast products- a packet of their tomato soup, a packet of their eggs, and our "secret ingredients", and voila! Flatbread!). So for all you foodies out there, it's easy to see that we were eating good in the neighborhood. This is not a broiled chicken and iccberg salad program, that's for sure. I don't think I could be on a program where the food tasted like cardboard, even if it meant rapid weight loss. I love food as an art, a form of expression, a source of adventure and joy... there's no way I'd last if all I was eating were celery sticks.

The most amazing part of last night for me, though, was the fact that so many friends and family members came and showed their support. Not only that, but it was kind of my way of "going public" with my weight loss goals, kind of like I'm doing with this blog. I have NEVER been so open about my goals in the past, because once they are out there, I am accountable to them. Before, I would have been way too scared to do that. I also don't like drawing attention to the fact that I have a weight problem, as surprising as that must seem. (Detecting the sarcasm there?) Nobody likes to be the person saying, "Hey, I'm Jessica and if you haven't noticed, I am extremely overweight." It's just not an issue we like to bring to the light, which is ironic considering it's one of the most visible health issues that exists. Anyway, point being that I sat in a room full of people who I love and trust, and felt accepted enough to say "I'm on a journey to take my health back and lose this excess weight, and I need your support." That is huuuuuge for me!

I feel so blessed to be in a place emotionally that allows me to be open about my goals. I think the main reason for this is that I already feel like I've won the battle. So much of it is psychological. Every one of my diet attempts before has been more of a shot in the dark, hoping to lose a few pounds and feel better about myself, but never really believing that I had the ability to drastically change. But this time, with the tools I'm using (I can't say enough good about how easy and awesome the Medifast stuff is- no lie) and the support of a health coach, I really feel like I'm in this thing for the long haul, and it feels so do-able. I can do this. I really know that I can. And part of that is going to include doing it publicly. I don't want to drink my shakes and eat my bars in shame, trying to hide the fact that i'm trying to lose weight. I feel like I'm training for a marathon or something- it's not something to hide, it's something to be proud of! If I didn't realize that before, I really do now, after last night's show of support from my awesome friends and fam. Going it alone is not the way to go, and if I have to throw a party every weekend to keep myself accountable and remind myself of the support I have from those who love me, then by golly I will do it. Based on my friend's responses to last night's meal, I don't think they'd mind too much either. ;)

Before

Well, I thought about posting my "before" pictures tonight, to start things off with a bang. Then I looked at them again and decided I am insane. Seriously, there is nothing more depressing than looking at your before pictures when you are still in a state of before. But once I figure out how to post pictures on here (yet another hurdle the blog world has to offer to simpletons such as myself) I think I am going to do it. It will be motivating.

I don't really know how to feel when I look at the pictures of myself. I guess I haven't seen a lot of full body pictures of myself recently, because I'm not really one to jump on a photo opportunity unless it's a close up of my face and I can stick out my tongue or something. But these pictures are like the most unflattering pictures I have ever seen of myself, and I can't believe it. It's like staring at a stranger in some ways, because I don't FEEL like that girl. I really don't. I mean, I look in the mirror, and yes, I see some flab. Duh. But I also see beauty and sass and grace and and style... I see ME. And the pictures take away all the feelings that come with looking at myself in the moment, and just leave a snapshot of my shell. My outer being. And I'm not digging it.

But I don't say this to be all down on myself. I am already smaller than when I took these pictures. Matter of fact, my first 2.5 weeks on the program have brought me a 7 lb weight loss, which brings my weight loss goal down from 73 to 66! Woot! Already in a lower decade! (I know they aren't years, but I don't know how else to word that. You get my drift.) I seriously love this program. It's a cakewalk, the food is actually yummy, and I'm losing weight like it's going out of style. Whaaaat? I love this! K, plug over- even though I do totally recommend this program to anyone and their dog.

I guess what I am trying to say is, I think most of us think that we look like we feel. And if we feel good about ourselves, we assume we look good. There's nothing wrong with that, because certainly having positive feelings DOES show up on our faces and in our body. But I guess I'm just not content with that. I don't want to feel like a split personality. I want the girl in the picture to match the girl in my heart, and that's why I'm doing this. I'm tired of shopping for clothes based on the criteria of "Does the largest size fit me or is it too small?". I would like to shop for clothes and buy what I want in the size I need, and have that size actually exist. My clothing criteria revolves a lot around how well something camouflages my body. Not cool- especially with my personality, which loves loud colors, bold prints, fashion that pushes the limits and doesn't fade into the background. It is hard to let my clothing reflect my personality when I'm limited to a few styles (which hopefully have my size) that are mostly hiding my body rather than making a statement.

I think if my clothes were to make a statement right now, they would be saying "I'm trying to distract you from noticing my flabtastic stomach." And I really and truly do not say that because I am down on myself. I feel great, and I'm headed in the right direction. The before pictures, as painful as they are to really examine, serve a good purpose right now. They are showing me that my body and my brain do not match up. Rather than feeling hopeless about this, it just further motivates me to make the changes. Because it's not like I'm stuck with my fat. Nobody is. We all have the power to truly change ourselves, and I'm kind of just realizing that for the first time in a long time. It feels really good.

But I'm still not posting them tonight. :)