TEN POUNDS!

Well, I am so happy to share that I have officially dropped the first ten pounds, and it's only been 3.5 weeks! I can't believe it! My first goal already seems so attainable. I set a realistic goal when I started this program, because frankly I wasn't sure how successful I was going to be. I heard stories of it working well for other people, but I was skeptical anyway. So, my first goal was very realistic. I guess I will just share my weight, which is not something I thought I would be comfortable doing, but I guess I'd rather just address the elephant in the room instead of tiptoeing around it. (I'm sure there's a good fat joke involved with the phrase "elephant in the room" but I'm just not gonna go there right now. I have more class than that. And besides, I can't think of anything.)

Ok... deep breath... so here goes. I started the program at 221 pounds, which was nearly four weeks ago. I hit 211 two days ago, which is almost halfway to my initial goal. I chose to set my goal at 199 pounds for two reasons: one, obviously I wanted to revel in the fact that I was once again under 200 pounds, and two, I wanted to lose 10% of my body weight because of how dramatically it lowers my risk of disease (by 50%!!!) and increases my life expectancy (by 10 years!!!). It was just kind of convenient that 22 lbs was both 10% of my body weight AND exactly what I needed to lose to get under 200 lbs.

I am actually now down 39 lbs from my heaviest weight. When I gained 60 lbs back in 2005 (while on birth control, aka satan pills) it put me up to 250. :( It's horrible to think about, because I honestly had no idea I was gaining so much and I cannot imagine my body ever having 39 more pounds on it than right now. But it did. Blah. The good news is, wow, 39 lbs GONE! And they are really gone. I am not going back there EVER. It took me several diet attempts over 4 years to lose that first 29 lbs. Of course, I've got some grace for myself because I had a baby and that does things to your body. But I am still in shock that it's only taken me 3.5 weeks to lose 10 lbs. I just can't believe it. At this rate I will reach my goal by Easter.

But once I reach my goal I am just going to set another one. I mean, why would I stop when I feel like I've been given the secret to weight loss? Really and truly, it's that easy. It's like someone is sitting in front of me, telling me, "Here, eat this" every 3 hours, and magically I eat it and lose weight. And it's not unhealthy weight loss either! I wouldn't do a program that made my heart race because of stimulants, or was full of aspartame or preservatives or other nasty chemicals. This stuff is really good. There is no magic ingredient that makes your body lose weight. It is just the right amount of carbs, proteins, sugars, vitamins and minerals eaten at the right times of the day to make your body work like it's supposed to and stop clinging to your fat as though you're storing up for winter.

I swear, the more I write the more I sound like an infomercial. I'm just so flipping excited to have found something that is WORKING. I have done low cal, low carb, high produce diets... I have tried so many different food combos. I have burned myself out trying to lose weight and it's just silly and stupid. I am so happy that I am doing something for my body that is real and is going to last. I'm even thinking about becoming a health coach myself because I can't stop talking about how great this program is and I want to help people be as happy as I am. I know what it feels like to be disgusted when you look in the mirror, or to cry in a dressing room because nothing fits, or to eat til you feel sick because you just have given up and feel like there's no hope anyway. I don't ever want to go back there, and I don't want other people to go there either. I want to help people realize that there is hope. You CAN change.

I think one of the reasons that my initial weight loss goal was so low is because four weeks ago I genuinely believed that I was incapable of ever being a small person. I have said "Well, I will probably always be overweight..." more times than I can count and I always figured "If I could only get back to the size I was 5 years ago" then I would be content. But for the first time, quite seriously, in my entire life I feel like I can really do this. I WILL reach my initial goal of 199 pounds. And guess what? Then I will set a goal of 175 pounds. I have NEVER thought I could get that low, and I want to prove to myself that I can do what I thought was impossible. And when I reach 175 pounds, guess what? I WILL set a goal of 145 pounds. 145 would put me in a healthy BMI range for my height. I have never thought that I could reach a healthy BMI weight. Not once in my entire life have I believed that I could reach a healthy weight. I've always set my goals low enough so I could actually reach them. But not anymore. I'm not content with "good enough". I'm gonna do this and now I know how. And it feels FANTASTIC.

Dinner Party

Last night was a night of firsts for me. First time hosting a dinner party with completely healthy menu items (and still managing to wow the crowd) and first time for my friend and health coach to give a presentation on what she does and how Take Shape For Life works. She and I spent the afternoon cooking up a storm and, with the help of our husbands, managed to throw a pretty swinging shindig (or whatever the cool kids are calling it these days).

I even splurged on fresh flowers for the living room, and my house has never looked better. I love that feeling of looking around the living room and going, "Oh, wow. So THIS is what my house could look like ALL the time if I could actually keep up on the cleaning!". Mad props to my husband for doing the housework, since this working mama spent the afternoon at her oh-so-glamorous retail job.

The focus of the dinner party was for Angie and I to introduce some menu items we've been working on for our newest endeavor: a personal chef business catered specifically to people on the Take Shape For Life program. We wanted to try out some new recipes on a test crowd and see what the response was like. We had a dozen people come (friends and family of mine) and the response was overwhelmingly positive. Our entreés were as follows: Beef Tenderloin with Balsamic Tomatoes and Thyme, Fiesta Lime Shrimp and Veggie Kabobs, and a Chicken Caesar Salad served with Tomato Basil Bread. (The bread, by the way, is made with Medifast products- a packet of their tomato soup, a packet of their eggs, and our "secret ingredients", and voila! Flatbread!). So for all you foodies out there, it's easy to see that we were eating good in the neighborhood. This is not a broiled chicken and iccberg salad program, that's for sure. I don't think I could be on a program where the food tasted like cardboard, even if it meant rapid weight loss. I love food as an art, a form of expression, a source of adventure and joy... there's no way I'd last if all I was eating were celery sticks.

The most amazing part of last night for me, though, was the fact that so many friends and family members came and showed their support. Not only that, but it was kind of my way of "going public" with my weight loss goals, kind of like I'm doing with this blog. I have NEVER been so open about my goals in the past, because once they are out there, I am accountable to them. Before, I would have been way too scared to do that. I also don't like drawing attention to the fact that I have a weight problem, as surprising as that must seem. (Detecting the sarcasm there?) Nobody likes to be the person saying, "Hey, I'm Jessica and if you haven't noticed, I am extremely overweight." It's just not an issue we like to bring to the light, which is ironic considering it's one of the most visible health issues that exists. Anyway, point being that I sat in a room full of people who I love and trust, and felt accepted enough to say "I'm on a journey to take my health back and lose this excess weight, and I need your support." That is huuuuuge for me!

I feel so blessed to be in a place emotionally that allows me to be open about my goals. I think the main reason for this is that I already feel like I've won the battle. So much of it is psychological. Every one of my diet attempts before has been more of a shot in the dark, hoping to lose a few pounds and feel better about myself, but never really believing that I had the ability to drastically change. But this time, with the tools I'm using (I can't say enough good about how easy and awesome the Medifast stuff is- no lie) and the support of a health coach, I really feel like I'm in this thing for the long haul, and it feels so do-able. I can do this. I really know that I can. And part of that is going to include doing it publicly. I don't want to drink my shakes and eat my bars in shame, trying to hide the fact that i'm trying to lose weight. I feel like I'm training for a marathon or something- it's not something to hide, it's something to be proud of! If I didn't realize that before, I really do now, after last night's show of support from my awesome friends and fam. Going it alone is not the way to go, and if I have to throw a party every weekend to keep myself accountable and remind myself of the support I have from those who love me, then by golly I will do it. Based on my friend's responses to last night's meal, I don't think they'd mind too much either. ;)

Before

Well, I thought about posting my "before" pictures tonight, to start things off with a bang. Then I looked at them again and decided I am insane. Seriously, there is nothing more depressing than looking at your before pictures when you are still in a state of before. But once I figure out how to post pictures on here (yet another hurdle the blog world has to offer to simpletons such as myself) I think I am going to do it. It will be motivating.

I don't really know how to feel when I look at the pictures of myself. I guess I haven't seen a lot of full body pictures of myself recently, because I'm not really one to jump on a photo opportunity unless it's a close up of my face and I can stick out my tongue or something. But these pictures are like the most unflattering pictures I have ever seen of myself, and I can't believe it. It's like staring at a stranger in some ways, because I don't FEEL like that girl. I really don't. I mean, I look in the mirror, and yes, I see some flab. Duh. But I also see beauty and sass and grace and and style... I see ME. And the pictures take away all the feelings that come with looking at myself in the moment, and just leave a snapshot of my shell. My outer being. And I'm not digging it.

But I don't say this to be all down on myself. I am already smaller than when I took these pictures. Matter of fact, my first 2.5 weeks on the program have brought me a 7 lb weight loss, which brings my weight loss goal down from 73 to 66! Woot! Already in a lower decade! (I know they aren't years, but I don't know how else to word that. You get my drift.) I seriously love this program. It's a cakewalk, the food is actually yummy, and I'm losing weight like it's going out of style. Whaaaat? I love this! K, plug over- even though I do totally recommend this program to anyone and their dog.

I guess what I am trying to say is, I think most of us think that we look like we feel. And if we feel good about ourselves, we assume we look good. There's nothing wrong with that, because certainly having positive feelings DOES show up on our faces and in our body. But I guess I'm just not content with that. I don't want to feel like a split personality. I want the girl in the picture to match the girl in my heart, and that's why I'm doing this. I'm tired of shopping for clothes based on the criteria of "Does the largest size fit me or is it too small?". I would like to shop for clothes and buy what I want in the size I need, and have that size actually exist. My clothing criteria revolves a lot around how well something camouflages my body. Not cool- especially with my personality, which loves loud colors, bold prints, fashion that pushes the limits and doesn't fade into the background. It is hard to let my clothing reflect my personality when I'm limited to a few styles (which hopefully have my size) that are mostly hiding my body rather than making a statement.

I think if my clothes were to make a statement right now, they would be saying "I'm trying to distract you from noticing my flabtastic stomach." And I really and truly do not say that because I am down on myself. I feel great, and I'm headed in the right direction. The before pictures, as painful as they are to really examine, serve a good purpose right now. They are showing me that my body and my brain do not match up. Rather than feeling hopeless about this, it just further motivates me to make the changes. Because it's not like I'm stuck with my fat. Nobody is. We all have the power to truly change ourselves, and I'm kind of just realizing that for the first time in a long time. It feels really good.

But I'm still not posting them tonight. :)

I AM NOT ON A DIET

Ok, first things first. My name is Jessica and I have some junk in my trunk. To be fair, I didn't put it there on purpose, but it's there regardless. I have always had trunk junk. I don't know why. I ate fine, played outside a lot, no horror stories of my parents ordering pizza every night and putting pepsi in my bottles. I just had some chub, and that's that. I started to even out a bit in high school. I still felt like a giant whale (it was high school... we all did), but looking back at pictures now, I'd love to be back into my size 12 jeans. It was after I got married nearly five years ago that I really started to spiral out of control. And I have two words to tell you how I gained SIXTY POUNDS in SIX MONTHS: hormonal medication. (Yes, the baby preventing kind. I'm trying to be classy and not say what it is, but a spade's a spade.) It's true. The stuff is evil. Some women are fine with it, but I wasn't. And if you're sitting there thinking I'm delusional and blaming a tiny little pill instead of taking responsibility for eating ten bon bons a night, I am here to tell you that you're wrong. Trust me on this- I was in a phase of my life that I was learning more about nutrition, eating well, working in an active job and exercising a lot... and still I gained. The weight gain stopped the second I flushed those pills down the toilet. Sadly, however, it didn't go away.

I continued eating normally, which for me and a lot of other people means that I had plenty of produce, whole grains, the good stuff, but we also had some junk around and didn't beat ourselves up if we decided to order pizza on Friday. A fairly good "balance", which maintained my weight but didn't help me lose any of it. I would go on diet spurts but those don't work, and as many of you probably can relate, after losing 5 pounds I'd be so proud that I'd relax my rules a bit and next thing you know my diet was out the window. It's a cycle, and it's annoying, and I got tired of it. I decided to get serious back in 2007 because Stephen and I were trying to start a family, and after a year of trying I was getting fearful and desperate. A doctor recommended weight loss as a step in the right direction, so I tried cutting my carbs from the afternoon til bedtime. This method helped me to drop 30 lbs in about 4 months, at which point we found out I was going to have a baby!

We welcomed our daughter Ella Joy into the world in August 2008, and I spent the next year getting rid of 15 post pregnancy pounds. Thankfully, as of February 1st (2.5 weeks ago) I was sitting right at the weight I had been when I got pregnant with Ella, and those 30 lbs I had lost on the low carb thing STAYED lost, which is right where I want them. Only thing is, the carb cutting is hard and it left me hungry a lot, and I don't like dieting because, well, it sucks. I don't think food is supposed to be viewed as evil, and I just think we have to learn to use food as a tool for a healthy body. I just didn't really know where to start, because I was eating good stuff, and still not losing weight. Not to mention, it was hard to focus on eating right when my busy work schedule paired with mommyhood was leading a lot of Taco Bell runs. That's when I got a call from a friend of mine, who was trying something new and wanted to tell me about it.

Now this is the part where most people will go, "Oh my gosh I've been reading this blog and she sucked me right into her story and it turns out she's probably a paid blogger who is trying to get me to try some stupid weight loss program!". Well, slow down, Sally, cuz I'm telling the truth here... I'm just a girl and I'm not getting paid to do this. So just simmer down and keep reading. Now, where was I? So my friend Angie calls me and tells me that she's trying a new program called Take Shape For Life, and it's different from other programs because it teaches your body to eat the right amount of nutritionally balanced foods at the right times. This puts your body into a fat burning state to get rid of all that stored fat that is just chilling around your tummy acting like it owns the joint. I was like, "Yeah, sure, mmhmm, glad it's working for you" and didn't really think it would work for my lifestyle or fit into my budget. Long story short, it is perfect for my busy, on the go lifestyle and it is way more affordable than any other program I have looked into. And at this point, I've got nothing to lose except about 73 pounds of blubber.

Here's the beauty of it though... this program is really focused on health. (I know- what a concept, right?) The meals are nutritionally balanced, and they are not just for people who want to lose weight. This stuff is a tool to help my body work like it's supposed to, and it's not some 1 month commitment that is gonna melt off some weight and then strand me back in the world of drive thrus and tv dinners. I'm really digging this whole thing, because I'm not on a diet; I'm committed to making changes to my body and using these tools to help me get there. Diets don't work. Period. Most people who diet don't really end up changing anything about their behavior, so they just gain all the weight back (and usually more) and I'm not going there. I've got 30 lbs to lose to get back to my high school size, and I'm GOING TO DO IT. And you know what? Then I'm going to lose some more. I'm gonna do this thing til I'm healthy, til I feel good, til my body reflects the person I am on the inside. This is going to work for me. And I'm going to prove it.

I'm starting this blog to journal my progress, because for one, I think it will hold me accountable to my commitment. It's a lot easier to follow through with something when you know people are aware of your goals and watching you work toward them. So, friends and family, I want to ask you to keep reading (even if I bore you) and please encourage and support me as I progress. I need you! I'm also starting this because I want to share some recipes I'm working on for anyone out there who's on the Take Shape For Life program. I love cooking, and as a matter of fact, I work part time with a caterer who also happens to be the friend who got me into this program. If anyone knows about how to make things taste good, it's her. And I'm a pretty good second choice, I guess, so hopefully our discoveries in the kitchen can help encourage others who are working toward healthy weight loss as well. And lastly, I'm doing this because I want to share about this program. I know people will be skeptical of anyone sharing about a product or program, but listen, in the last 2 weeks I have personally met over a dozen people who have changed their lives because of Take Shape For Life. Honest. And if it worked for them, it can work for me. And if it works for me, it can work for you. And if you're healthier, and I'm healthier, and our families are healthier, then I think it's something worth looking into. So there.